Get this over soon.

Im not as tough as i thought i will be.

I kept thinking my life may be different if... but then all these are my choice. Or maybe i dunt even have a choice.

Life is all planned out because i am afraid to take the risk/change. This is why im here thinking if ii followed my goals and dreams in the first place, my life may be better. Its not that my life now is not any better but this is not the life i wanted. 😧

Tell me who can i turn to?

I feel so depress now and i dunt wanna bother anyone with my sorrows. Although i know its only 1 week left, my endurance is getting to its bottom pit. I cant leave yet cant do without them. Tell me, how can i make myself feel better?

I have NEVER cried this much in my entire 27 years of life! And to say 1 more week to go is just to tell myself to endure through. In actual fact, it is ANOTHER 2 MORE WEEKS!!

IHATETHISSOMUCHIWANNADIE!
Yet i need to be strong for my family and jovynn. I guess jovynn is my only happiness and the source of my motivation to carry on living.

iim grateful for whatever uu did.

so many things happened during the last 4days. october is really not a good month.
ii really wish all these aint happening. sometimes ii feel like ending all these. many a times ii felt useless.

we tried our very best to be strong in front of each other especially him - keeping all the sorrows to himself,not wanting to worry me. ii felt useless not being able to help him and ii really wish ii could read his mind. ii hate seeing him keeping things to himself, yet ii cant do anything cos ii know he did all these for me, for be to stay blissful.

iim very afraid he will break down and ii cant afford to see him breakdown.
he's my one and only support, the only person ii wunt have social phobic with.
thus iim very grateful for whatever he has done for me over the past 8years,treating me differently from how he treat others. ii felt it and appreciates it yet can he feel my gratefulness?

Baby Randall! ♥

Monday (10th Oct) - Mr Lew's offday so we decided to visit Ande & her cute lil' Randall.

ii wasnt able to carry him as he's strong plus afraid my lil' one will jealous. True enough, when ii wanted to touch him, she kicked! *aww~*

(psst,she's been extremely active since after the visit. maybe she's excited upon seeing her new playmate, maybe she's....still jealous. hahas!)

babies can really understand whats going on around them. when we were chatting abt my lil' one, baby randall stopped drinking his milk and started making noise until we stopped chatting abt her. lols! amazed.maxed! =O

anyway, enjoyed myself at her house, just seeing how she naturally turned into a mother and seeing how Mr.Lew played and carried baby Randall. its so filled with....♥Love♥ :)

ii believe my hubby will be able to cope with our new love in time to come. :)

enjoy the photos! :D

Sing Sang Sung~

Current song: Dynamite (by Taio Cruz) ~♫♪♪~~

Let me rewinddd~

6) trained home with jasmin, stomach very upset about the bloated-ness from gongcha!

5) popped by skII counter to find andeline.

4) queued at RC's Gongcha and called ande asking if she wants a cup.

3) dinner-ed at suntec wealth of fountain foodcourt. ii didnt eat cos not hungry so ii used jess's mini HP to send product list to leon, while chatting with leon and waiting for joshua and alson to meet me. jess ate rosti and min ate jap food (again!)

2) went to KBox at Marina Square for singing session with Leon, Jessica & Jasmin! supposedly, ii booked a room from 3pm-5pm, postponed to 4pm-6pm. min and ii entered room at 5pm! x_x so its definitely not long enough for us to sing. aftermath: extend another hour from 6pm to 7pm but have to order 1 drink per pax. end up each of us paid $13 for 3hours of kbox session -.-!!

1) got stuck at home!! cos door knob went bonkers and locked hubby and me inside the house while min got stuck outside after school. ii was going to be super late cos of the stupid door -.-zzz hubby called his workplace to inform about the situation. ii called kbox to postpone the singing session to 4pm. locksmith came and kept doing sales talk and ii super hate his way of sales talk cos it sounds really fake, as if he had a script in his mind. he kept going "wahh! ur door.... wahhs! ur door must.... wahh! its ur door......" hello! create needs also no need create until so fake lo. ii dunt buy ur irritating words. -.-

super upset about something. not gonna share here cos dunt want inevitable quarrels.

anyway, its so great today cos for the first time of my life, ii got stuck inside my house. HAHAHAH! having the fun out of the crisis till ii dunt even feel the urgency to break the door down. xP pocket being burnt a hole though, cos locksmith service - $60, change door knob - $150. total damage: $210!! =((

well, at least problem solved. now everyone's happy! thats what matters most :)

thats all for my day! below's something short ii wanna share for the night.

Time to Reflect: How to keep a Journal.

(ref: http://www.stufftotweet.com/tweetthis/wikihow/time-to-reflect-how-to-keep-a-journal)

Decide what kind of journal you’d like to keep. There are different possibilities open to you when developing your journal theme or approach. You could simply use your journal to write down all the thoughts that come to you at any particular time, randomly, or you could make your journal more focused on a specific theme to draw out something that you’re trying to develop more of in your life. And there is nothing saying that you can’t keep both a random and a specific journal at the same time! Some ideas for themed journals include:

• A gratitude journal – in this journal you record all the things for which you feel grateful each day, week, etc. and note the people, animals, events, and things that really matter to you.
• A vacation journal – in this journal you record more than just what you see on your vacation; you also record your feelings, impressions, and emotions as they are challenged, changed, and illuminated by your travels.
• An ideas journal – in this journal you record all the ideas and inspirations that flash into your mind at any time without warning, providing a place that you can come back to as an idea-storming resource when you have the time. The ideas can be for writing, for business, for play, for inventions, for anything at all!
• A child raising journal – in this journal you record all the things that you think are special, wonderful, lovable, and memorable about your kids at different ages and stages. This is a great way to keep a record of those funny words, phrases, and comments made by kids as they grow up and see the world anew.
• A transition journal – in this journal you record the transition you’re going through, such as job hunting or loss, becoming a parent for the first time or again after many years, starting a business, going on a special journey, etc. This type of journal can document changing patterns in your life, and it is useful to ask yourself such questions as “What do I enjoy and no enjoy”, “What do I expect for the future in what I am doing now?”, “Which people can help me as I transition?”, etc.

I think ii wanna start an idea journal and a transition journal.

idea journal will be updated into my minipro's dairy app as they allows freehand drawings :)

as for transition journal, ii've decided to do 1 for my web-biz. decision have been already made before ii came across this website :) and the first post's has been already updated in my web-biz. except it hasnt been publicised yet cos iim still considerating on the topics to be updated. however, it'll definitely consist updates on the process of building up my brand. its gonna be fun especially after building my customer base for a year plus,ii am more than excited now to come out with a duplicable e-franchise system so pple can earn some side income online! hehees!! ^^

(of cos, it saves me a lot of time repeating to pple about how ii started out my brand. hahahs!!)

ii guess this post is enough for today. gtg dreamland liao. super snoozy already! gdnights!! :)

last music currently playing: Tonight ii celebrate my love for you~ ~♫♥♪♪~

HELLO EVERYONE!! iimma BACK! :)

for the year 2009 and 2010, ii've not been actively blogging like ii used to, in those years before 2009. ii know ii've always told myself to blog more often, not because ii want readers to be kaypoh about my life but because blogging is really a great way to relive memories especially when uu feel nostalgic or when uu start recalling back "what have ii done last year's january?" and be surprised at how funny, sad or angry uu may be as uu relive back ur memories via blogpost! xP

okie. ii've been "sleeping" through the year 2010. ii know its not a good sign and stagnant is what ii can comment on my year 2010 progress. ii've been giving hopes to pple and making them wait though they didnt give up waiting yet, at least! >.<

so year 2011, ii know it's gonna be a different year for me because its a Rabbit year and Rabbit year meana extra boost of luck to those born in this and past rabbit years! =)

year 2011 have been good to me so far... luck has been making its progress in terms of $$ and my business career. ii know this luck wunt last long as its only a boost to my confidence and ii should not let this extra boost slip away~ SO......... forget about last year's happenings and resolutions. This year's gonna be different!! (and thats my resolution for year 2011.)

ii've also made a pact with myself after a few days of serious self-reflections on the last few days of 2010.

so here's what ii've summarised from the old joycelyn in 2010 to a brand new joycelyn in 2011!

2011 life slogan: Renew, Reincarnate and Realizing! (having qn marks in ur heads? here's why!)

Renew - to make, say, or do again.

Reincarnate - to be born again / start anew / empty my glass (ii know this is not easy!)

Realizing - Realise my dreams again!!

Pacts ii've made to myself:

No Pessimisms at all! thus at all times uu will not see me tweet,blog or say ii'm disappointed with myself, ii can't make it, ii'm not worthy, ii'm VERY tired, today's a bad day blablablahhh~

Cannot allow myself to be lazy for more than 60% (previously, it was 85%!)

Cannot allow myself to be late for more than 30mins! (previous year, my lateness can go up to 2hours!)

Cannot allow myself to give EXCUSES!! (therefore, if ii'm late or whatsoever, uu know its my fault! last time ii always blame traffic, blame weather, blame headache, blame here blame there but seldom blame myself! LOL!)

EVERY Time update work progress in google docs (learnt my lesson of cellphones dying and all info inside yet to back up due to procrastination!)

EVERY Time update on expenditures in my iphone app! (learnt from andeline! so ii can keep track of what ii've spent for the year 2011 & its a good way to budget myself for the particular month!)

Whatever needed to be done today should be completed by today!

Commit myself to have a healthier lifestyle. (eg: wake up earlier, sleep earlier, have regular meals, drink more plain water etc~)

Commit to eat vegetarian for every 1st & 15th month of the lunar calendar.

Thats all, for my personal pact! seems easy right? but almost everyone is facing the same issues as me! dunt deny!! xP its seems easy but it takes lots of determination and positive energy ok!

As for my career expectations, its simple. expand my branding, implement a duplicable system and take up another side-job :)

anyway, before ii end this post, below is a picture ii've posted because it made me feel funny when ii logged in to check on my blog stats and this is what ii saw - "google search for the week - jkss virus?" HAHAHAS!! some kind of new virus which obviously not known to me. oh well, if its true, ii'm a human virus then! LAWL! xP

Follow me on twitter for instant short updates! blogging is more for those that cannot/too lengthy to be tweeted. hehhehh~!!

Last but not least, please vote for my photo in "Open Rice Where Is The Love" Facebook App Contest.

Here's how uu can cast a vote for me: ‎

1) click "like" on this page: http://www.facebook.com/openrice.sg?v=wall

2) then go "contest" tab and click "vote" > access to app > accept T&C > fill in & submit your particulars cos voters can win prize too!
3) they'll ask uu to submit a photo. if not, just click into "photo gallery" tab (my photo is currently on the 4th page,as of 6/1/2011.)
Alternatively, uu may close the webpage and click into this link: http://apps.facebook.com/withlove/detgallery.php?id=158&ref=mf to vote.

a little bit troublesome ah.. but much appreciated ♥ :)

Thanks & gdnights!

Merry Christmas 2010!!

Had an enjoyable and experiential christmas this year - BBQ in the RAiN! woohoo~!!

All photos are uploaded into facebook but i'll upload some pics here :)

happy cos made another new friend! =))

ii had fun throughout and yes, it was great barbeque-ing in the big rain!

at some point of time, ii was literally bored so ii started to ask those seating at the same table as me: "let's play a game. see who can guess when the rain will stop." and we started guessing. the rain really stopped at a certain time. for a while later, it started to pour heavily suddenly again! hahahaas!!

Learnt something on that day - Sincerity! -

No matter what you choose to do, people can see the sincerity you put in by the way you act or do something.

quite disappointed in someone though.

To know when to go away and when to come closer is the key to any lasting relationship.

have not been contacting anyone since....last tuesday?

not sure what happened to me also. ii just feel kind of lost yet cannot describe what is it so please dunt ask what happened to me or why the sudden change in me. ii appreciate everyone who care and bother to ask about me but ii really dunt know how to put it across to uu. =(

today, ii've finally decide to go online to chat and comment on facebook, and do some random stuff.

Note to self: ii've came to realise that there are people who bothers and people who dunt bother.

those who bother will bother those who dunt bother. so question is wouldnt those who bother ever feel tired to keep bothering those who dunt even give a damn?

Sometimes we feel we care too much and the other party dunt even gives a damn but how will we know the other party never did care, whether he/she choose to ignore or choose to hide their feelings?

People like me, gives a damn to everyone who walks into my life, till the extend where iim tiired of holding on to relationships which in the end,we're back to acquaintance. HOWEVER, ii am also the type where ii dunt give a damn, not because ii choose to ignore or bo chup but because ii just hide my feelings so naturally that ii dunt cry nor give warmth to anyone.

this is my weakness. someone told me that before and ii feel its true yet no matter how hard ii try to let myself go in front of others, no matter how many umpteen times ii remind myself to let out my inner self, ii still cant bring out this warm aural. and ii seriously hate this fact about me. am ii just too cool, when ii actually do give a damn to everyone in my life?

ii cant start a conversation.

when iim in a conversation, it'll usually end up with the other party talking until awkward silence breaks out.

ii dunt usually cry, no matter how sad ii am, in front of others.

ii cant give warm comforting hugs. (some people do!)

when people pours their sorrows to me, ii feel so useless that ii cant give any good advice except my listening ears.

when ii see someone cry or feel sad, ii cannot do anything to cheer them up except asking them to look at brighter side of life? or asking stupid question like "why are uu crying/sad?" and because ii wanna prevent myself from asking stupid questions, like the one ii've stated, ii'd just keep quiet and pray hard that he/she will feel better.

ii do care! and sometimes ii even know why are they sad but ii just dunt know how to express it out. iim sucha loser. siiigh~

now to those who are tiired of holding on to the relationships between uu and me, iim sorry and ii do care!

the thing in relationships is "it takes both hands to clap" yet sometimes there's a lack in synergy, when your left hand moves forward yet your right hand stays still or vise-versa. after a while, because of constant "misses", both your hands gets tiired and thus stop trying to get the synergy back, thats when the relationship faded..back to acquaintance or worst, strangers!

=====================================================================================================

"There's one sad truth in life I've found while journeying east and west -

The only folks we really wound are those we love the best.

We flatter those we scarcely know, we please the fleeting guest,

And deal full many a thoughtless blow to those who love us best. ~Ella Wheeler Wilcox"

"Sometimes two people need to step apart and make a space between that each might see the other anew, in a glance across a room

or silhouetted against the moon. ~Robert Brault"

"To know when to go away and when to come closer is the key to any lasting relationship. ~Doménico Cieri Estrada"

sometimes I feel that I should run away from this world to live it all alone.

ii know my anti-socialism is acting up again.

iim super sad and hurt by what uu have done. ii still love uu but ii just cant tolerate what uu do when uu get hot-headed. am ii not true to uu all these years? why do uu always doubt my love for uu? seriously, ii dunt know. is it really best that ii stay at home and live in a world of just uu?

ii seriously dunt know what uu want anymore.

ii told uu ii will accompany uu today.

all ii wanted was re-assurance.

ii need uu more than anyone else.

your support means a lot more than others.

why do uu always mis-interpret my words to uu?

now ii feel ii should just shut the fuck up and stop talking. more talks = more misunderstandings.

ii finally realised. thanks, not solely to uu but to him too.

in short, iim the suckiest person on earth.

please dunt befriend me, dunt love me and dunt even get close to me.

iim just that icy and not worthy for anyone.

OCTOBER

current music: 来不及说再见 - 瑶瑶

the internet is so laggy~ even though iim using BOTH mobile and home broadband together. so ii've decided to turn on some songs, play my ps3 but ii ain't got any motivation so ii shut it down after 10mins! =(

october's 2010 resolution is to do the things ii dunt like, to do the things ii fear of doing! and iim doing it right now! iim so gonna improve till ii make it and do the rest proud! :)

okies! sleepy liao~!! update when ii awake!! x.x

iimma very bored now. yes!! VERY!!!

mr lew's working night shift today, tmr is his off day and so he will be off to casino cruise. wunt be coming back at all!! iim missing him right now! =(

iihatethisemptyfeeling

cansomeonepleasetakethisdamnfeelingaway?

iimafraidii'llcryundermyblankybeforeiifallintomysleep

cananyonereadwhatii'mtyping?

song check: 爱失控 - energy

currently triple-tasking: blogging, msn-ing, organising my music folder

this week is a super busy week!

next week is october, gonna go do other freelance thing to increase my income!

ii so farking love freelance!! <33>

iim so gonna go back to my multi-income streams plan.

now that house has been approved, ii so farking need money!!!

can uu imagine downpayment need at least $20K + renovation for 4-rm need at least $20K? OMFG!! plus every month need to pay at least $720 to hdb loan ONLY! havent include miscellaneous bills. siigh! so now ii need to build another income stream, maybe 2 more income streams. so ii have enough savings for my future kids and hopefully, retire early to watch them grow.

moneymatters a lot in singapore. earn $2k only enough to feed oneself. $3k probably can relax a bit. but to have a comfortable life, ii think need at least $4-5K.

comfortable as in no need to scrimp and save, got car, want buy something no need to think thrice, think twice can le.

okies sorry for all the finance issue again cos chatting with someone about this issue x.x

anyway, this month, ii've been fighting hard for bigger pay cheque.

been meeting up with pple. doing my crazy photo album netwerking thingy

yes iim crazy! crazy till ii hardly have time for babycong. =(

song check again: candles - hey monday

reflection for this week: ATTITUDE PLAYS AN IMPORTANT ROLE IN LIFE!

fml!!

never try to change ur destiny.
accept it as things are.. cos life is predicted. and it have already proven to me.

f myself real hard for thinking and believing ii can change my fate, my future.
it is SO DAMN WRONG!

iim destined to be lazy.
iim destined to go throught bankruptcy.
iim destined not to have any childhood friend.
iim destined not to have any close friends.
iim destined not to work.
iim destined to get married at age 22.
iim destined to be poor.
iim destined not to have a hse by age 27.
iim destined to meet uu with no more choices left in life.

change of ur destiny is bullshit!
live life as it is. why bother so much when at the end of everyone's life is death!

create ur destiny or let destiny create uu.
iim the latter :'(

-hiding.under.my blanket.is.so.cosy-

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Lazyy Sundayyy

babycong commented that today iim very nua~
YES iNDEED! ii spent more than 3/4 of my day on the bed!
1 hour bathe,
1 hour brunch,
1 hour figuring out my lappy (which ii soon gave up on it. only use it for gaming purpose >.<),
2 hours out for dinner + haircut + grocery shopping.
Total 5hours +/- LOL!

GAOLAT~!!!

the rest of the 19hours -
10 hours sleep?
2 hours drama on my netbook
2 hours chat on msn
2 hours surf net
and now the last 3 hours, back to drama again, before ii go practice on inception. HAHA!

my netbook makes me sooo nua~ and bcos ii have ppstream in it, ii guess it will tempt me to watch dramas/movies even when ii am out of house. urrghh~!!!


Funny things that happened today:
1) we reached salon, nick left already so ii kind of disappointed bcos baby didnt get his mobile no when they actually do hang out and baby only trusted him to cut his hair. so our conversation went like this:-
baby: tmr we come cut lo.
me: how uu know he will be in? maybe he tmr off or what lei? ii cut now la, since iim here and ii dunt know if tmr ii will be lazy to come back here again.
baby: cannot be. tmr ii buy breakfast for uu then 2pm ii wake uu up, ii accompany uu come here cut then ii go home catch some sleep while uu go out lo. ii later go ask fer nick's schedule.
me: siigh~ see how la.
so baby went back to the salon to ask the ladyboss for nick's schedule. WHO KNOWS, so coincident, ii hit bulleyes! Nick TMR OFF! LOL! temporary only cos his offdays usually on tues or wed. hahahas! ii suddenly feel that ii can start to consider to be a fortune teller. xP

2) baby left his shoebag at the bus stop and ii had to go down to the bus stop to take his shoebag all the way to.......interchange to pass him. NO CAB! and waited for 1 damn bus for 20mins -.- so xiao ji.. baby kept calling to see if ii am in cab liao ma.. but end up, ii took bus cos bus arrive first. zzz. luckily he was just in time for work ii think. =x

3) jean commented that it was so cool when ii sat outside to eat my mango pudding.
jean: wow! uu're actually sitting at the same table with me in the living room?!
jean then calls out to min : wow! thats so cool! dajie is sitting outside with me.
me: huh? why?
jean: bcos uu usually coop urself in ur room. come back, enter ur room, close door. eat also eat in room.
me: thats bcos my room has everything.
jean: so what makes uu want to sit here with me now?
me: cos ii want kor to help me download whatsapp into my iphone.
jean: cheyy!
LOL! so funny! but is there anything wrong with cooping myself in my room? =X its a pleasure to do that uu know. cos uu have the bed! HAHA!

urrgh! time for drama~ so long never watch idol drama liao. how ii wish someone can accompany me to watch dramas~ ii dunt mind traveling but must have bed for me to nua and watch~ LOL!

5 days of chalet..

slept at 6am on tuesday morning, woke up at 1250pm and found that my alarm didnt ring! ii was LATE! mr pau's bmw is already waiting for me at bus stop >.<

Chalet for august babiies.. so ii didnt sleep for the whole of tuesday!!

Time check: 12 noon, 11 Aug (Wed)
tiired and sleepy buy havent blow dry my haiir~ super lazy cos super duper tiired and sleepy!!!

jiu ming aaahhhh! ii dunt know if my 2pm appt is still on again.

Go sleep first! Ciaos~

the day ii pawned my soul

ii am no longer joycelyn koh...
ii will redeem myself back when ii feel ii am ready to do so..

meanwhile, revolutionizing myself!
skeptics, watch out! ii'm coming ur way!!!

$30000 in 6 months!
nothing to lose, more for gain! who's with me?!


*urrgh! gastritis acting up again because....
ii've forgotten that ii've forgotten to eat for the day and ii finally remembered, like for now!*

-佛心魔力-

Photo.Blog

LongIslandTea + SexOnTheBeach!



the cow is so cute~ moo-moo~~

lazy saturday!!

Things ain't getting better for me~ ii am still in pain.
though not as bad as that day, IT IS STILL PAIN!!!

it is making me so afraid of eating and no, ii am not suffering from anorexia! -.- ii just dunt like the fact that whenever ii eat something, it's after-effect is PAIN!
and ii still do feel hungry and constantly craving for food ok!
now ii feel like eating tauhui.. LOL! WTH -.-

pain.Pain.PAIN!!! friggin' in pain!!! T_T

okies so today ii realised ii dislike 2 things and they are annoying me, seriously!
1) ii dislike people who put me on aeroplane.
(dunt make me fly with hopes then crash me down with disappointments cannn??
ii know ii used to fly aeroplane on pple and this is my kharma but ENOUGH! iim already doing my best to be there for others. really!! unless it is VERY LAST MIN and ii am still at home!)

2) ii dislike pple who use my name w/out my permission or when ii am not even close to them.
(my name got value de ok! label me as self-conscious or whateverrr, if ii wanna ask or say something, ii can jolly well ask them by myself. in case uu dunt know, ii have a mouth which can talk. thank uu!)

Geez! ii realised iim starting to understand myself better! LOL!! well, whateverrr it is, if ii can't even understand myself, please dunt bloody say uu understand me or my plight!
(ii have to mention it again, the above is not referring to uu IF uu are a close friend of mine. thank uu! ^^)

ii hereby end this blogpost by summarising in 1 sentence :
my stomach is still in PAIN! GRRR~!!

Staying awake!

Ok! My title for this blog entry says it all. Trying to wake someone up but most probably it'll be GG for her sch later. LOL! *evil*

Recently many things happened. Need reschedule my life again..

Last saturday went MacRitchie for trekking with the group. SUPER FUN! and ii am the joke for the day. How great! it wasn't my intention. Lol!! Duibuqi! But worth it! xD

Just finish watching Nanny McPhee 2 on iPhone, next movie is Up in the Air? ii think. =X

Later must wake up early.. Anyone gg to cityhall? Will be there whole day,ii presume. >.<

LOL! WTF!

often a time, ii hate myself, seriously...

Blogging in the train..

On my way to pioneer from pasir ris! Seems crazy right? That is when ur clique lives in the west and uu are the only one living in the east. Lol!

Going there to try out the gym facility. Jones said there's a ladies corner. Hahaha!! So go there see how nice it is. xP

Jean said: finally Dajie's gg to gym. And commented that my body is filled w hidden fats! Yes! 90% internal fats! Goodness gracious! Lol! Look at my inbody report and uu will know how unhealthy am ii. Zzz

So it's raining now and I'm freezing yet lazy to take jacket out. Lol! Am damn late =X

After gym will be badminton session! Loves it!! =)


- Updating via Joyz's iPhone